Top 10 Things NOT to Say to a Stay at Home Dad
1) So how’s the role reversal thing going?
First off it is not a role reversal… I still take out the trash, split and stack wood, mow the lawn, and paint the house. The only thing different is the wife leaves to go to work in the morning and I stay home for work.
2) Do you still drive when it is both of you?
Of course I drive, and if I didn’t who cares. This has nothing to do with when we are apart. Just because I work at home doesn’t mean everything in my entire life changes.
3) Ask the wife if you can come by for a few minutes…
So now that I stay home I need to ask permission to go somewhere? It was like that before I stayed home.
4) So what types of food does your wife cook?
This comment implies that I can’t cook. It is stranger hearing that from a person who still thinks it is a role reversal. If they believe it is a true role reversal, wouldn’t they ask what types of food “I” cook? People just don’t think.
5) How do you do it?
Do what? This question is asked to me all the time, as if it is much much harder to watch children when you are male than if you are a female. Women have been staying home and raising children since the beginning of time, why would it be that much harder now that a man is at home? So how do I do it? Go ask a mother and whatever she says, that will be my answer too.
6) From another male, “Cool, I want that job, then I wouldn’t miss all the sports shows”.
This may be intended as a compliment, or it could also be a sign of misunderstanding the situation. First off it implies that you have a lot of free time to sit around and be lazy. Well, the truth of the matter is you may get to catch some games but let’s weigh in the sacrifices of changing poopy diapers, cleaning up puke and spit up, telling the child “no” don’t throw your toys, getting the child food when they are hungry and not when you want to feed them, playing with your child to keep their mind stimulated, putting them down for a nap and listening to them cry and fuss for 30 minutes at a time, and most of all keeping up with housework that you would expect your wife to do if you were the one bringing home the bacon.
7) You need to get out more dude?
Yes, we all know this. Being couped up all day with the kiddos is a stressful job in and of itself. When you are around the kids 24/7 you begin to talk to grown ups in a strange way. You begin rhyming. Like, “Hey Jeff, look at the duck… check out the duckey wuckey..” “Say whaaaaa” Duckey Wuckey??? And of course you need to get a life, but the wife isn’t exactly rested up to take care of the children all by herself after a hard day at the office. So both of us need to get out more. So stop telling me the obvious and drag me out. I ain’t changing until you do just that.
8) So you stay home, huh? Is that all you do?
hmm… Is that all I do? I won’t touch this one…
9) So what do your friends and family think of you staying home?
This one gets to me all the time. Right off the bat they are implying there could be some obvious reasons why my friends and family members may disapprove of our decisions. First off, if they didn’t approve, you still have no right asking me. Stop prying. Secondly, are you telling me you disapprove?
10) Does your wife pay the bills?
This one is usually asked by closer friends than the average person. I haven’t had anybody really pry on this one but I have heard this one from close family and friends. If I worked and the wife stayed home, this question would not get asked. Another interesting situation is if I worked and the wife stayed home and I let the wife manage the money, nobody would see that as unusual. There are a lot of men who work that let their wives manage the check book and pay the bills. But for some reason, now that I stay home this question becomes crucial… hmmmmm
Can you add to the list?
Tags: dads, family, Stay at Home DadsRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Stay at Home Dads
19 opinions for Top 10 Things NOT to Say to a Stay at Home Dad
kellys
Oct 11, 2006 at 3:10 pm
At least they don’t ask you if you wear a skirt behind closed doors. JK! I love it when my husband keeps the little one for a time. Maybe you should just ask your friends when they plan on becoming a “real man” like you and hand them a poopy diaper to take care of. Now that is a mark of a real man worth being friends with! My DH has never once shied away from a dirty diaper or a bath. Great post!
Karen
Oct 11, 2006 at 3:57 pm
Those were funny. Those are certainly proof that there is an assumption that stay at home moms or dads don’t do anything. As if!!!!!!
Being a mom is the hardest job I’ve ever had.
Kerri
Oct 11, 2006 at 4:19 pm
lol @# 3. As for #10, some husbands “let” their wives manage the checkbook? Most of the friends that we have where the wives do the books, the husbands seem to be scared to death of the checkbook duty! More like they are so thankful they don’t have to! Not in our house, though. I “let” Bald Man do them. haha
steve
Oct 11, 2006 at 5:42 pm
Kellys, there is no better way to prove you are a man than to change a poopy diaper.
Karen, yes that does apply to both stay at home moms and dads who think we don’t anything.
Kerri, Bald Man is your hubby? Was I supposed to know this? lol
Kerri
Oct 11, 2006 at 8:13 pm
Sorry. Apparently we’ve been springing that on a lot of people in the past week. It wasn’t in your “Welcome to b5″ handbook?
steve
Oct 11, 2006 at 8:30 pm
Hmmm… ah yes… Chapter 9; Section C6
Kerri
Oct 11, 2006 at 8:36 pm
lol
kellys
Oct 11, 2006 at 9:56 pm
Careful, they go rounds sometimes in public! :):)
Thrifty Mommy » The Top 10 list to beat all Top 10 lists!
Oct 11, 2006 at 9:57 pm
[…] Steve at Inside Fatherhood gives some good advice as to the top 10 things not to say to a stay at home dad. Nice job, Steve. […]
Kerri
Oct 11, 2006 at 10:02 pm
We walk around with our virtual boxing gloves on at all times. :D
Inside Fatherhood » Top 10 List Carnival!
Oct 12, 2006 at 9:06 am
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Gayla
Oct 12, 2006 at 10:14 am
I’ve been a work at home mom for over 6 years and it’s not any better on this side of the fence.
The BEST thing I’ve EVER invested in was caller I.D. — there are days that if I had ONE MORE CALL of someone saying “since you’re at home… would you mind…” I would go more postal than the son of Sam.
Still there are days that I truly think my husband thinks I pluck my money off the trees out back, but he’s still good at throwing that “are you going to be on that dang thing all day?” statement out there and making me feel as guilty as the day is long.
Because, of course I have the laundry fairy that does the laundry. The dust fairy that sweeps and dusts and the kitchen witch that does the cooking, dishes and grocery shopping.
Personally I think being a work at home parent is the most difficult thing I’ve EVER encountered.
Grace
Oct 12, 2006 at 12:23 pm
so what can/do I ask from a stay at home dad? say, if someone is genuinely interested.
steve
Oct 12, 2006 at 12:29 pm
haha… that could me a future post… :D
Arwen
Oct 12, 2006 at 4:56 pm
I got here via B5 via Parents Behaving via The Zero Boss. My husband was an at home dad for the first 4 years of our daughter’s life. I was actually asked (more than once): Don’t you worry about him being at all these playgrounds and groups with the moms? WTF? Of course not.
People would always ask him ‘well, who helps you with her while your wife is working?’ Like, he couldn’t be at home with our daughter during they day.
Ron Trott
Oct 12, 2006 at 5:51 pm
So do you cook? You never said that you actually do cook.
Maybe stay at home dads don’t know WTF they are doing and that is why you tell someone who wants to knwo how they do it to ask a SAHM.
In question six you say that theer isn’t much time for sports shows, yet you manage to find time to blog constantly throughout the day, seems inconsistent.
steve
Oct 12, 2006 at 6:27 pm
I do catch some shows but I don’t blog all day. I can’t do it if i tried. I time blogs to go off throughout the day and worry about commenting during the day. Commenting only takes a sec. Some of the news stuff I post at nap time or if we are all hanging out right here.
Yes I cook. I cook quite a bit. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Weekends I tend to slack off when the wife is home but I probably shouldn’t. Sometimes I expect her to do it but I shouldn’t do that either. :D
Karen
Oct 12, 2006 at 9:57 pm
It only takes a few seconds to comment on some other blogs. Blogging is less time consuming than watching tv. I have wireless, so when the kids are sitting at the table eating their banana, cereal, whatever, I can take 5 minutes to sit down and blog. I can type out a few ideas and save them for later. To watch an actual tv show requires a specific set of time where you constantly have to be there watching it. Blogging is not like that. Being a SAH mom or dad is a lot of work, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t a few moments in the day when there is peace and all is good. There is some time for blogging. Nap is a great time and 12:00 a.m. is an even better time. ;) Right now my kids are bathing and I am blogging. I stop whenever I need to and take care of them. I am not constantly blogging. I am caring for their needs and blogging whenever the moment arises. I am sure that Steve is the same way.
brent
Feb 1, 2008 at 8:23 pm
“Ron Trott
Oct 12, 2006 at 5:51 pm
So do you cook? You never said that you actually do cook. ”
No.
I’m sure his wife comes home from work at 6:30pm and starts the dinner going. His child won’t be hungry by then, and they can finally get some food.
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