Inside Fatherhood

The Fundamental Dynamics of Tantrums and How to Avoid Them

by steve on June 7th, 2007

My 2 year old daughter is going through the typical stage of throwing tantrums on a regular basis. Whether she is frustrated with me, herself, or even and object she begins to throw out tantrums. I have been down this road 3 times before and probably due up again in another 2 years with our youngest child, but no matter how many times you go through this there isn’t any real way to get used to it.

So with lots of frustration brewing inside of myself I actually Googled temper tantrums and found an article that was real helpful.

First it tell us why kids throw tantrums:

Even the most good-natured toddler has an occasional temper tantrum. They’re a normal part of development and don’t have to be seen as something negative. Unlike adults, children don’t have the same inhibitions or control.

Imagine how it feels when you’re determined to program your DVD player and aren’t able to do it, no matter how hard you try, because you can’t understand how. It’s pretty frustrating - do you swear, throw the manual, walk away, and slam the door on your way out? That’s the adult version of a tantrum. Toddlers are also trying to master the world and when they aren’t able to accomplish a task, they often use one of the only tools at their disposal for venting frustration - a tantrum.

I sorta knew this but the best part of the article gives tips on how to avoid tantrums or at least you can “reduce” them:

The best way to deal with temper tantrums is to avoid them in the first place, whenever possible. Here are some strategies that may help:

* Make sure your child isn’t acting up simply because he or she isn’t getting enough attention. To a child, negative attention (a parent’s response to a tantrum) is better than no attention at all. Try to establish a habit of catching your child being good (”time in”), which means rewarding your little one with attention for positive behavior.

* Try to give your child some control over little things. This may fulfill the need for independence and can ward off tantrums. Offer minor choices such as “Do you want orange juice or apple juice?” or ” Do you want to brush your teeth before or after taking a bath?” This way, you aren’t in the position of saying, “Do you want to brush your teeth now?” which inevitably will be answered “no.”

* Keep off-limits objects out of sight and out of reach, which will make struggles less likely to develop over them. Obviously, this isn’t always possible, especially outside of the home where the environment can’t be controlled.

* Distract your child. Take advantage of your little one’s short attention span by offering a replacement for the coveted object or beginning a new activity to replace the frustrating or forbidden one. Or simply change the environment. Take your child outside or inside or move to a different room.

* Set the stage for success when your child is playing or trying to master a new task. Offer age-appropriate toys and games. Also, start with something simple before moving on to more challenging tasks.

* Consider the request carefully when your child wants something. Is it outrageous? Maybe it isn’t. Choose your battles; accommodate when you can.

* Know your child’s limits. If you know your child is tired, it’s not the best time to go grocery shopping or try to squeeze in one more errand.

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POSTED IN: Advice, Parenting