Inside Fatherhood

Teething gets ugly

by Bill on June 9th, 2008

Teething has been keeping the boy up at night. By proxy, teething has been keeping me and my wife up as well. It makes staying coherent at work a difficult proposition, but I manage. That is not why teething is ugly, though.

The boy already has one little bottom tooth that, and I speak from experience, is razor sharp. Possibly diamond carbide tipped. He leaned towards my face the other day and chomped down on my schnoz. It hurt like hell and startled me. I’m just glad I’m not nursing him. I yelled out in surprise and pain, which caused him to cry. I hate seeing him cry. His scrunched up little face and pouty bottom lip, although cute, kill me. That is also not why teething is ugly.

Teething has gotten ugly because my son has developed strange new habits of sucking on his own lips and wiggling his tongue around his lone tooth. He looks like a drunk old man when he does this. He resembles a gold-rush 49-er licking his toothless gums for any errant scraps of food. If you recall the “bitter beer face” ads, he looks like that. It’s hard to believe that such a cherubic, beautiful child could make such a messed up looking face, but he does. That, that is why teething has gotten ugly.

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