Inside Fatherhood

Grandpa dads?

by Bill on October 14th, 2007

A recent article in the New York Daily times makes the bold claim that Grandpa dads are the latest thing. The examples they use to back up such a claim are Nick Nolte, 66, Tommy Mottola, 58 and some old guy in a piece of stock photography, 112(?).

The article claims that, according to parenting expert Dr. Michele Borba, grandpa dads may have an upper hand over your average Joe (or Bill) for a number of reasons. Wisdom, experience and financial stability are among the factors. The basic premise of the article is apparently that to be a grandpa dad you need to go out and make millions of dollars so later in life you can impregnate a woman a fraction of your age. Nolte, check. Mattola, check.

Borba claims that age equates directly to wisdom for older dads.

“Number one, you get perspective with wisdom and gray hair, meaning you worry less about the little things,” she explains.

I disagree somewhat as not everyone becomes a wise sage at 55. As people age, they don’t necessarily mature. They often become hardened and stuck in their ways, less concerned with nuances of propriety that are important when instilling values in a child. I would think that the energy required to handle newborns, toddlers and even teens might take the shine off of a wise person’s interaction with their offspring. Keep in mind that while a father may have the energy at age 66 to participate in their child’s life, at age 80 when his kid enters high school things will be much more difficult to manage. But I suppose that age doesn’t matter as much when you have the option of a staff of people and a much younger partner who will help raise the child; all you have to do is step in for the fun times after your age has made you irrelevant. I don’t think that’s fair to the child.

I must say, when I read the article I felt precluded from ever living up to the fathering standard of older gents, until I realized the piece suggests practicing on a ’starter kid’ to make all your mistakes on. I can do that! Nolte has a 21 year old son that he practiced on for many years and so should make a great dad on his second go around. This one won’t have to see all those mug shots plastered all over the news.

Borba goes on to say, “So what if they can’t throw the football with the kids? They can still take their kids to the game.” Apparently, a kid needs a chauffeur more than someone to show them the ropes. It may not matter from the parent’s perspective, but I think it does from the child’s point of view.

The article seems to be more of a commentary on people of privilege rather than true parenting abilities. It is trying to label a trend that isn’t applicable to most. Don’t get me wrong, I have absolutely no problem with senior parents, more so with the spin of the article. In fact, I agree that it’s important that parents have some financial stability and personal maturity before trying to raise a child. I just don’t agree with the assumption that age equals maturity and financial freedom equals free time spent nurturing a child. I think it’s an unfair discount to younger fathers to say that the struggles of parenting are solved with a few extra dollars and some years of gray around the edges.

The saving grace is a quote from Borba on the very last line.

“Above all else, it’s your relationship with your kids that matters, not your age.”

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POSTED IN: Dads in the News